People look up to me... Am I a worthy role model? This is my stop

Since I've been in London I just haven't been up to the task of being an active Christian (as in bearing all the responsibilty that comes with it- including maintaining a relationship). I felt like a passenger on a large Christian tube, i was just there. God knows exactly what I'm like as well, sometimes I need a shove to get back on track. He used Elle Naturelle yesterday to catch me out because I hadn't really spent much time with Him. Then today He made my cousin ask me all these random questions. To put this into context I have to briefly tell you about my cousin...

about a month ago he didn't believe in being born again, 3 weeks ago he had a near death experience and he says God spoke to him and gave him another chance so he surrendered to Christ; he went to canada and came back with swine flu. He was asking me where he stood with God and if God wanted him dead. After careful consideration I told him to read the story of Job, which he had done recently so that made it easier. He then thought about it and said 'Job must have wondered where he stood with God just as I am now, God is just testing me isn't He?'. I replied that it was more likely to be that than God wanting him dead. Then he said to me "that's why i asked you, you know these things, you're so pure".... That scared me half to death and I told Him I wasn't pure just trying to get closer to God.

The point is that I had no idea my cousin looked up to me like that and obviously I have more impact on his life than I realised before, who knows who else is looking up to me. God knows that seeing my cousin's faith increase would increase my own faith and make me fix up because I know he's watching me. As my pastor said on Sunday, Paul was so confident in his christian walk that he told the corinthians to imitate him, 1 Corinthians 4:14-16; I'm not at that stage yet but that should be my goal- not to actually say 'imitate me' but to be confident that if someone did imitate me they would be on the right track.

God often let's us just relax as a passenger on this Christian tube but eventually you have to stand on a platform that He will choose.