All His idea

every now and then i get this kind of anger deep within me. its hard to explain. its like i put my spiritual foot down and say no more. something rises on the inside and reminds me of who i am in Jesus and where my focus needs to be. im having one of those moments now... see my head has been all over the place recently. the events of life started to happen and i got momentarily sidetracked and silly me allowed myself to be a spiritually be like a dripping tap rather than a river if that makes sense. things started goin a bit crazy and im sitting there asking why when it was simply because i jumped back in the driving seat and was trying to take control... long story short: lesson learnt = im nothing without God. but along that short diversion i learnt a few things. every cloud really does have a silver lining - who knew.

the poem "im sick of being sorry" nearly brought me to tears the other day. it was exactly how i was feeling. i cant really say anymore, it speaks for itself. poetic sunshine is blessing me if no one else.lol... but as Donnie McKlurkin's song goes - we fall down, but we get up... i think the issue was that the last time i repented over my achilles heel, not that i didnt mean it, but i didnt make any conscious decisions to change or prevent reoccurence. but this time it was like im tired of hearing myself repent. yes i got back up, but im tired of falling in the same place. like how many times should i let my heart get bruised before i learn my lesson. jheez. im tired of getting back up, i want to avoid falling in the first place. and aside from what happened, it annoyed because i know that i know better... and exhale...so one of the amazing things about God's forgiveness is that He will point out what is wrong, but also offer a solution of how to make it right. so im currently on his 5-step programme. lol.

i was jus looking at Romans 8:38-39. It says that nothing can separate us from the love of God. its like i can go in circles looking for him all over the place, run from him or trying to hide, or even refuse him when i think my way is better. but whatever i do, he's stuck to me. i think on certain issues iv been as stubborn as Jonah and taking the long route on things. just as well noone hears me arguing with God - dont even know why i bother, he always wins.

oh yer i also had a refreshing thought that dropped in my heart: this is all his idea. he's not the alpha and the oops. he knows when im going to fall, and he knows when im going to come running back into his arms. my mistakes dont catch him off-guard. he knows the end from the beginning, there is nothing i can do that takes him back to the drawing-board to figure out how he needs to fix my mess... and about him being the omega - there is nothing that he started and left unfinished. its humbling to think that even with my mistakes, insecurities and all other junk to sort, i am a finished product. that i am already seated in heavenly places - Ephesians 2:6... i am complete in him - Colossians 2:10... iv often thought about all the scriptures that are written in the past tense - finally it hit me that its because its already completed. duhh. so if theres nothing he's put aside for later so why the heck am i waiting rather than living in it?? sigh...i'll get it in the end. im deciding to get out of the revolving doors that keep attacking my achilles heel. im rising up and saying enough is enough, i cant keep falling over the same thing. and i feel like God has given me a toolbox to see what im going to do about it. at the moment i feel empowered with my new understanding... lets see what happens...

I am more than a conqueror and I can do all things.
xx

"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you" - Isaiah 60:1