The end of the recording...

I probably should have said goodbye ages ago. in all honesty i thought no-one remembered this blog existed anymore so i just deserted it. but the other day someone asked why i dont post as much anymore... i struggled to maintain two blogs and a journal all at once and this one got sacrificed haha. i will probably always type or scribble my thoughts somewhere because it's therapeutic. i attempted to open my thoughts to the world but found it a bit much. left me feeling a bit more vulnerable that i intended to at times though. so now i continue in undisclosed locations where i can be completely me, utterly random and without the pressure of writing for a particular crowd or keeping with a theme if you get me. maybe when i get that care free attitude i'll share again and whip my hair, but until then my lips are sealed... i was going to delete this but have chosen to keep it as my memoires. lol... so anyway i just wanted to say thanks for taking time out to read whether you were just curious or cared, it was a pleasure to share pieces of myself with you.

Over and Out
Elle Naturelle
xx

"Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers." - 3 John 1:2

I cannot say

I cannot say "OUR"
if I have no room in my life for others and their needs.

I cannot say"FATHER"
if I do not demonstrate this relationship in my daily living.

I cannot say"WHO ART IN HEAVEN"
if all my interests and pursuits are in earthly things.

I cannot say"HALLOWED BE THY NAME"
if I, who am called to bear His name, am not holy.

I cannot say"THY KINGDOM COME"
if I am unwilling to give up my own sovereignty and accept
the righteous reign of God.

I cannot say"THY WILL BE DONE"
if I am unwilling or resentful of having God's will in my life.

I cannot say "ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN"
unless I am truly ready to give myself to His service here and now.

I cannot say "GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD"
without expending honest effort for it,
or by ignoring the genuine needs of others.

I cannot say "FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES AS WE
FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US"
if I continue to harbor a grudge against anyone.

I cannot say"LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION"
if I deliberately choose to remain in a situation
where I am likely to be tempted.

I cannot say"DELIVER US FROM EVIL"
if I am not prepared to fight in the spiritual realm
with the ultimate weapon of prayer.

I cannot say"THINE IS THE KINGDOM"
if I do not give the kind of disciplined obedience of a loyal subject.

I cannot say"THINE IS THE POWER"
if I fear what my neighbours may say or do.

I cannot say"FOREVER"
if I am too anxious about each day's events.

I cannot say"AMEN"
unless I can honestly say,
"cost what it may, this is my prayer."

Out with the old

I've been clearing out my room n wardrobe. i didn't realise how much crap iv kept. going through it all however has been quite fun. every now and then i look at something and have to sit down and allow a flood of memories to fill my brain. i am way too much of a sentimental person than i think is healthy, but i love it. take for example my royal blue leotard. wow. it holds so much, yet it now just looks like a worn out material that had definately seen better days. but as i hold it i remember the countless dance exams i did, the joys spent in years of dance lessons and the different shows i performed in. memories... sigh. let me leave that topic.

so yer as im going through my room i have so much time to think. i'm detoxing my brain as well as my immediate environment. I'm back at that point where i need to reassess my current location (in life) and set goals for the next steps... the year is not yet over, but i cant help but think about whether i've achieved what i set out to achieve this year. in someways maybe all i've done is float around my goals, been swept by the winds of life, and not necessarily seized hold of very much. ok i shouldnt be so hard on myself. i have done a lot of things, tried, succeeded in some areas, and learnt from others. all in all i know i am where i need to be right now, and the steps i've taken may appear pointless and the long route, but were definately necessary. i value those around me that support me even in my nonsense... i know im not making the most sense right now. my thoughts are still a bit discombobulated and im trying to sort them out. i think im just procrastinating against finishing my room, so let me get back to it.

peace, love and hot ribena

ps i watched "Eat.Pray.Love" earlier, aside from the whole meditation thing, and typical hollywood love, its decent. an easy watch with some good principles.... but mehh who nominated me a film critic?! ... ok im out now for real.x

Mere Christianity

"Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is? If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats, it only prevents them from hiding." -CS Lewis

memories part 2

everyone has been hurt in one way or another, i know this. but how we get over things in life will always baffle me. i tend to deal with things in stages. i cover over certain feelings, in a way ignore them because addressing them is sometimes just as painful as going through the situation all over again. the problem is somethings cant remain hidden for very long, they resurface or reappear in different forms. i wish that things would just go away, that there was a undo on life, a trash can for all the files i wanted to disappear. but there isnt.

yesterday i woke up crying. it was not cool. its never happened before and i seriously wouldnt like it to occur again. i was overwhelmed by thoughts, memories, fears, you name it - it circled my brain. im about to enter a new season on my journey. i'll be moving soon for work. having a fresh start and as great as it sounds the idea freaks me out. but why? what am i so afraid of? my problem is im too focused on what i have experienced before and scared that history may repeat itself. i feel like im partially being held back by the things i pushed under the rug. my concepts of acceptance, self-esteem, confidence in my own abilities and a few other things have been bumped, bruised and scarred. unbelief looks at the past and assumes i cant do what im setting out to do; while faith looks at the future and rests in God, in whom all things are possible. but where do i stand? right on the boundary between the two. im honestly not yet in full faith about this. so how will i get to that place of faith? i dont know. for now my best option is changing my focus. i know that im walking in the right direction He has planned for me, there is no need to fear, his blueprint is perfect and will come to pass. so I just have to keep going . address the emotions, and leave the pain at the altar. there is a way out. i am a conqueror so i need to stop living as a wounded soldier.

time to replace the thoughts about my past with the promises of my future

"but one thing i do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those which are ahead" - Philippians 3:13