i'm sick of being sorry

Pitiful- the way I lie, the things I hide, my life's a mess
Typical- the trash I watch, the friends I keep, the way I dress
I spend more time saying sorry than showing that I love you
My quiet time is noisy, sinful thoughts just interrupt you
I can't take this lying down I have 2 make a stand
I wanna be your right hand man and not some Peter Pan
Coz you’re trying to grow me up but I'm scared of the growing pains
So I hide in Never Never Land with Wendy playing childish games
And it's fair to say that on this quest I've become a lost boy
But you need me to stay on course and ride it out like Chris Hoy
Though I know who you are God and just what you've done
I still sin deliberately and disrespect Your son
Why do I do that? I'm not even having fun
But I've sown so many rotten seeds I have to reap some
And I'm bleeding inside coz I'm back to square one
And I hate what I'm doing coz I'm no longer young
Garbage in Garbage out, a really simple principle
So who I choose to hang with is a little more than critical
I'm sick of wallowing in my own mess like a pig
And I could have no complaints if I was cursed like the fig
I have the tools to fight temptation but I'm just too lazy
When Jesus has called me to bear good fruit on a daily basis
I don't want missing communion to become a habit
Coz I lost sight of salvation and mercy I failed to grab it
The kings of kings was tempted with all the things he hates
But he didn't crumble like the apple that Adam and Eve ate
Although they disobeyed and in essence sealed our fate
Christ conquered the prince of Hades and locked the main gate
Yet like a thief who's seen a ruby I try to enter through the window
Make excuses to cover up like "is that really a sin though?"
Our consciences convict us even if we never knew it
The word tells us if you’re not sure then just don't do it
You've got two choices only one of them is right
You either go to heaven or you burn like rice
Don't know about you but I'm so sick of being typical
Look! it's my curfew time's up on being pitiful
Time to respect myself and the author of miracles
Give myself a fighting chance of overcoming the physical- the flesh
Renew my spirit everyday so I feel fresh
No way can I succumb to this deadly cycle
The only way to escape this rat race is the Bible
I can't just be a hearer- knowledge on its own is worthless
I have to put what I hear into practice, that's how it serves its purpose
I now realise why I can't be mediocre
Heaven and hell are real this is not a game of poker
So I can bluff all I want but my God is not mocked
Is it possible for the incomprehensible to be stopped?
We don't understand all His plans so why defy them
I'm gonna stick with Him because no man is an island
We were designed in the image of Christ
But we're not 2D so we should mirror His whole life!

Real talk!

I think that's all I wanted to say!
Poetic sunshine signing out!

-`0 -

Hope you enjoy the sunshine!

i am enough

the conversations i have been engaged in since news of MJ broke have been endless... they have made me think of a number of things like:
1) me and some friends got the news while in the cinema watching Hangover and as soon as we got out, even before we had full details of how he died, we were saying "have you heard...?" its both crazy and sad why it was so much easier to talk to random strangers about michael jackson, but yet i hesitate to share the gospel. Jesus Christ is still alive and more able to change peoples lives more thatn MJ did. surely thats good enough news to be spreading. i should be desperately telling random people about the King of Kings!!!
2) as tweeted by Kirk Franklin: am i living a life that will be missed? not that im looking for global recognition, but am i living each day as productively as i could be? am i living a life worthy of that which i have been called to? am i making an impact on other people's lives or situations that i engage in?
3) death is inevitable, i dont know how long im gona be around for... am i using the time i have wisely? am i using the spare moments i have to nurture the gift God has given me? i think for a while i had just put what i have on a shelf so to speak, and am just waiting for the right moment to use it. but these last few days have made me think that this time is for me to prepare and practice how to use it. people generally dont show up on stage unrehearsed, i cant expect to be like bamm amazing just like that. people who influence others know where their talents lie and turn that potential in to action. i like the quote: "what lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

so im turning a new page with the realisation that the extent to which i can achieve what i put my mind to is dependent on my own comprehension of how adequate i am. i dont really know when i came to this conclusion, but i do know that its about time i stopped listening to or allowing other peoples opinions of me to shape my own concepts of myself. im freeing myself from the need to be understood. for too long i have felt that i have to explain my actions or thoughts. i have been subject to a mentality that caused me to feel below what i have been created to be. and by staying bound to such processes i am not benefiting my own life or allowing myself to used by God to help others. reality is that God designed me. in thinking low of myself i'm indirectly telling Him that He didnt do such a good job. "I am enough" is my phrase of the week as i re-educate my mind. Yes i still have my character and personality flaws, but im workin on them. Yes i may fall short and slip up from time to time, but i am still adequate in His sight because of the blood, and if for nothing else, i am grateful. Jesus didnt pay a price for me to feel sorry for myself and leave what he bought to gather dust on a shelf.

Elle Naturelle
xx

Coffee in the Morning is coming soon

man i av a few things on my heart to blog about but doesnt look like ima get much time this week. its day two shooting Michaela: The Poet's video... check out her myspace

Elle Naturelle
xx


"Search for the Lord, and for his strength, and keep on searching" - Psalm 105:4

donkey donkey donkey

as i always say, God is too good to me. at such a time as this, He has surrounded me with such amazing people that really encourage and build me up, sometimes even without realising it. sometimes i got through things that even before i get to tell anyone, someone will say something that just answers my question or confirms the direction i need to go in. i am so blessed to know people of like minds, with the same vision and heart for God.

so i was talkin to one of these friends of mine like last week. he said something to me, that i didnt exactly brush off, it just took a lil longer to sink in. the comment was along the lines of read a book on whatever i'm going through... at the moment there are a few things happening that i dont know exactly where to start though - so mehh the Bible is always good so there i was in Genesis 22 and who knew there was so much in verses 3-5!! it reads: "Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. ⁴ On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. ⁵ He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you." .... i'v read, heard and even spoken about this story so many times, but yesterday it got me excited... i feel like im at a place where God is saying its not what i do but how i do it. Abraham definately led by example. here's my 3 observations:

a) when he had all that he needed he set out to do what God told him... previously its been like i was at a red traffic light, God started speaking to me which turned it red+ amber, but instead of waiting for the green to come i speed off but the cars infront of me hadnt cleared the crossing so i ended up in a collision. now im at an amber light of preparation. im finding that biting point, but the handbrake is still on. if i dont proceed with caution trouble can still cross my path. God hasnt given me the green light - yet. but i know that green light is coming then will i go to that place God told me about. its time i cut the wood i need, coz i need to arrive with everythin i need - theres no wood up there.

b) this is probably the funniest bit. God's sense of humour shines through... "stay here with the donkey". now the servants had travelled wid Abraham and Isaac for three days. i would have been like ermmm thats a bit out of order mate, iv come this far to stay with some donkeys?! but who knows what would have happened if they had gone all the way up the hill - there could av been a fight and Abraham ended up on that altar if the servants tried to be heroes and save Isaac. its open to speculation but it made me realise that there are some people with me on this journey that can only travel with me so far. some might not understand why i worship or pray or even live the way i do and may think that my thoughts and actions are pointless. as harsh as it is i cant let such people get in the way and prevent me from doing wat i gotta do. sometimes it aite to tell people to stay with the donkey.

c) he said "WE will come back to you". my faith is being provoked on this. most times when the test comes, i have to start praying to build myself up to a position of faith where i know God will come through in the end. rarely is it that right from the start i can say with certainty that i know what God will do, or how the situation will turn out. i want to get to that point of knowing that even if i have to lay down one thing on this altar, the reward for my obedience will be worth it, and God is able to resurrect it if He wants to.

fink im gona watch Shrek now.
xx

wow!

Jeremaiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Habakkuk 2:3- For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.

These verses are the very basis on which this blog was created initially by Elle Naturelle but they have never been so real to me.

Just like her, I have been feeling like a bit of a bum as I had no idea what I was going to do after Uni and I still don't have a summer job yet! I had been praying for clarity and direction with no answer as yet. This was until last night when the proverbial scales were removed from my eyes! When people say there's no such thing as coincidence they are right, God plans everything we do! Yesterday I had been invited to eat dinner with some friends but they cancelled in the afternoon. I then bummed around for most of the day and around 7pm decided to get some food from the town centre. While I was there I met two of my friends who reminded me about the campus fellowship which started at 7:30pm. I ended up getting some fast food and jumping on the bus straight from town. I was inspired during the meeting and when we were saying the closing prayers the Pastor stopped mid-sentence and said she wanted to talk to me after the service because she had a word for me. I spoke to her and she told me that she saw the word 'publish' and that God wants me to write a book to inspire his people. I found this amazing as the week before my friend Claire had sent me an e-mail about a Masters in publishing at LCC and it seemed interesting so I downloaded the application form on tuesday.

This is definitely a confirmation that I should do the publishing course and so now when people ask me what are you doing next year I can say I'm doing a publishing masters. BE ENCOURAGED! Your vision is coming it's just waiting for thee appointed time.

Thank you Lord,
Your timing is always the best.

Poetic Sunshine -`0 -

follow nakawunde

i was saying to one of my girls today is that this online, BB, instant messaging habit we are getting into is slowly becomin OTT. its encrouching on our fone conversations. soon we wont be able to talk to one another face to face because the cyber picture we've built up of one another is so different that we forget how to communicate in good old fashioned ways and a normal chit chat will feel wierd. sad. alright so im exaggeratin i kno, but think about it, i do av a point, im jus too tired to explain it any further rite now.

ok enuf of that rant. i dont really av two birds legs to stand on seeing as i just joined in and am now on twitter!! see all this spare time on my hands - boredom makes you join pointless online social networks. which was all i really wanted to but forgot to say in my last post... www.twitter.com/nakawunde

Tweet the Truth
xx

what's next?

standing at a crossroad and i dont kno which way to go. half of me is saying just step out because being afraid of making a mistake may mean that i miss out on God's voice of direction all together...the other half of me is waiting for confirmation and in the meantime just screaming... im getting lost without something to do and nothing to focus on. iv spent so much money since i got to london. of course iv enjoyed my shopping sprees but this free life as a bum is begining to make me feel useless. i seriously need direction - and anytime soon would be great Lord!! today alone iv seriously gone from one extreme to the next. my mind is being bombarded with ideas which all sound so exciting, but i dont know which to choose. its like the map of my future is being held up to my face but its coded and im not seeing the "you are here" sign and where i end up is a mystery in itself. Jesus help me.

but in the middle of my discombobulated mind-frame, deep down im feeling this undescribable emotion that is slowly bubbling. id like to say its peace that comes from knowing that no matter what i decide or even happens, God is still in control. its moving me in a direction of rest which totally goes against my minds automatic response of an urgent panic... last night i was talkin to a friend of mine. i randomly said "inspire me". the response i got was to think about the things God has done for me in the last week alone that without Him i never would have got done or otherwise wouldnt have happened... boi i wouldnt be able to finish that list. i'll give one example - in the last four days alone i have come so close to being in an accident at least five times. now i know that on two of those occasions it probably was my fault, but my testimony is that His hand of protection is so evident on my life... so what im realising is, if God cares enough to keep me alive, there must be something He still wants me to do, and until i get the confirmation of what exactly that is... i need to just chillax, take a deep breath, take note of all these things, pray over them and wait for further instruction.

trying not to rush God
xx

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" - ecclesiastes 3:1

not a chameleon

I went to Victizzle and Tunde's Album launch last night....apart from the fact i felt old amongst the youth-dem, it was really good. iv seriously missed my gospel events, its been a hot minute but im baaa-aaack!! about half-way through this pastor came on and gave a deep word. one of those that stir up your spirit messages - short and sweet, straight to the heart it was...long story short: it was about not changing to fit in with this world, not being a chameleon but a transformer, and to stand out - i have to STAND OUT!! he read from the message bible - a version i rarely read, but the translation was actually cool so i looked it up this mornin:

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you" - Romans 12:1-2



gotta run or im gona be late for church
Daddy's Girl
xx

is prayer my lifestyle

wow iv been a free woman for all of three days now - its so lovely not to be woken up by an alarm, or have to plan wat to do the next day. im literally just doin whatever comes up. i feel kind of lost though and as much as im loving this new-found liberty, in the back of my mind im thinking its goin to end soon, i cant stay unemployed and av fun wid my friends forever. sad... if only i had a trust fund boi....the only downside freedom has also taken away some of my discipline. like my prayer time has shifted to a whenever i wake up... ive been goin to bed at stupid o'clock so its not reasonable or likely that i wake up as early as i was before. now i can easily play the God-knows-my-heart card, which He does and i dont feel condemned, but im not really sure i like it myself.

in the past, my prayers flowed quicker when i needed God to do somethin. it was definately a misconception about what prayer is. it was more of an exercise or an automatic outburst when i realised without God nothing good was going to happen. but over the last few months i feel like iv moved a step or two forward spiritually and i cant let go of that - i dont want to go in and out of the cycle again, i want this change to stay. i think im slowly understanding what prayer is. as cheesy as it sounds - prayer needs to be the breath in my lungs, and the blood from my heart. blood flows ceaselessly, and breathing continues ceaselessly; im not conscious of it, but its always goin on. Im not conscious of Jesus keeping me in perfect connection with God, but if im obeying Him, He always is (Romans 8:34)

Prayer without stopping is something i'd love to train myself to do. i wana be like that child who clings to their mum and doesnt want anyone else to hold them, and if something happens they always run back to her or wait for her approval. will come with practice, i can only try... a verse that springs to mind is John 5:19-20. i want the go-ahead from God, that closeness that i dont feel i can do anything unless he says do it. obviously i wont take this to an extreme, there are somethings that are just common sense, not exaclyt gona wait for God to tell me what outfit to wear in the morning - but i want to develop that childlike habit of continuously running to my Father.

right now im in transition it feels. im asking God what the next steps are. what the future holds. as always he's just giving it to me in bits - as much as i want to kno everythin thats gona happen, id probably give up if i knew all that his plan entailed. so while i wait for the next thing to happen, i jus av to keep standing firm on what i already know. oh yer another thing that dawned on me is that Jesus never mentioned unanswered prayer. He had the boundless certainty that prayer is always answered. sometimes i think that if i dont see an answer within the time-frame ive given God, he hasnt answered my prayer, but that is so far from the truth. there is no "if" or "but" after the verse 'everyone that asks, recieves' - luke 11:10. so im jus gona chill till i get my answer

reevaluating my prayerlife
xx

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful" - Colossians 4:2

Let me hear you make some Holy Ghost Crazy Noise

I JUST FINISHED MY DISSERTATION!!!

IM A FREE WOMAN!!! IM SO EXCITED!!!!AAAAAAaaaaahhhhhHHHHH!!!!

NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE IT WITHOUT YOU LORD - THANKYOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!

Currently on the playlist

D. Haddon is the man of the moment. these two songs are beautiful. My hearts prayer, as always, is that i will get closer to my Father. im not satisfied with my relationship with him, im hungry for more coz i know theres more to be had. But in saying that i realise that i need to position myself correctly in order to recieve all that He is waiting to give me. Its a two way street. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8). i have to take the first step.




Another fantastic song... its also on the playlist because iv recently realised that i need to maintain a de-cluttered temple that allows Him room to be free to move in my life. Daily resubmission is very much necessary.



Signed A Daughter of the Most High,
Servant of the Greatest Master, and
Friend of the King
xx

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own" - 1 Corinthians 6:19

GOD IS FAITHFUL

No poem today but just thought I would share this:

This seems to be a regular occurence these days but anytime I'm worried about anything at all I get reassurance within 24 hours. Whether its through words at the campus fellowship or church, through friends or God speaking to me directly. I don't know why I'm always suprised because He has already said certain things over my life and in Isaiah 55:11 He says His word shall not return to Him void but shall accomplish that which He purposes and shall succeed in the thing for which He sent it. So in other words if He says I'm going to be comfortable in life and not struggle with my finances why then am I so worried about finding a job, I should know that all I have to do is ask God for the right job to be reserved for me and for Him to give me a clear sign which one it is. I went to a graduate fair yesterday and I can honestly say it was quite useless but I know God is making a way for me. In Phillipians 1:6 It says that we can be confident of the fact that He who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

So why is it I find it so hard to surrender everything to Him and to cast all my burdens although I read verses like this over and over again and I claim to love God, surely then I should trust Him right? Hmmm that's something I'm dealing with, I'm realising that in the times when my faith is lacking that's when I need the Holy Spirit to comfort me and remind me of the word and I need Jesus to intercede on my behalf because without faith it is impossible to please God.

I want to please God I really do, but sometimes I almost lose track of the Holy Spirit forgetting that He's the only one who can help me to keep my faith. But thank God He puts me right back on track because He is so faithful! Even when I give up on myself He never gives up on me!

He has been so good to me and shown me so much love so the least I can do is trust Him and while I'm waiting for answers to prayer I'll read His word and speak positive things into my life as if they were accomplished, "Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, "I believed, and so I spoke", we also believe, and so we also speak" 2 Corinthians 4:13.

Be encouaged!

Hebrews 10:23
"Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful

Thinkin about Him gives me less time to think about myself

yesterday i was in such a bad mood. i was so angry at someone that i couldnt even sleep. and the most annoying part was that that person probably had no idea. so after about an hour of tossing and turning in my frustration i decided to turn on my computer and watch Joyce Meyer. it made me remember that earlier this year i told myself to control what i think about, somehow i had forgotten about that... one of the cool things about a relationship with God is that he never judges me for the number of times i have to learn a lesson, but instead reminds me gently when i forget - its all about getting it, and its better late than never... God is amazing, the things he does are mind-blowing. its only when i take my eyes off him even for a second that things start troubling me. I just need to stay focused and not let things of this world rob me or prolong the reaching of the goal. God has always been faithful and He will be till the end - He wont change.

renewing my mind again
xx


"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise" - Philipians 4:8

oh speaking of mind-blowing... This is something i saw on my friends blog a while back (love you, hope you done mind.lol)... its definately worth sharing again: