out of the frying pan and into the fire

im leaving 2009 really happy. iv done things i hadnt done in previous years, had new experiences in nearly every area of my life - some good some bad, but in all things i give thanks. iv had a few friends get engaged/ married, some become parents, iv lost three family members, been to new locations and different events. my favourite buy was a pair of shoes, money well spent was a chistmas holiday for mum, best investment was my sports injuries and massage course. my greatest achievement was graduating... i just realised this list might actually be endless so let me pause there.

so yer i know 2010 is going to be good not just because its a fresh start and im excited about things to come and all that, but also because i can look back and see how faithful and gracious God has been to me in the past year, and based on how he never changes, i know that things can only get better really.

iv decided this year not to make any resolutions. a) because by 2nd of jan most of them are already out of the window and b) because i dont really want to plan anything. im literally going to allow God to take me step by step, open the doors and let me walk through them, lead me in the direction he wants to take me, guide me along the rest of the journey he's taking me through, reveal himself to me and teach me. im standing on Psalm 23:1... and on my part im daring to loose control, place myself totally in his hand, be dependent on him, walk to the edge, live with intention, pray with abandon, continue to learn and actually live as i have been called to. i have no regrets about 2009, but iv learnt ways i could have done things better. im grateful for a fresh start, and im preparing for the fresh challenges. i think in a way iv lived to safe in 2009, been in the frying pan, felt the heat a little but 2010 is a year to go deeper and into the fire as the idiom says - but God's fire obviously. The fire burns, but it purifies - lets see what remains. im standing at another cross-road in this journey, a few options have already presented themselves to me. i dont want to look back on 31/12/10 and think that after all was said and done, a lot more was said than done... 2010 is my year 2 make things happen not just talk about possibilities.

Signed with love
Elle

"The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want" - Psalm 23:1

bedtime stories

every now and then i read a story from the bible im like cheese and bread, life was hard in the old testament!! God wasnt messing about back then!! i seriously couldnt have survived - i would have been sacrificing animals by the hour just to spare my head; and even if i managed not to sin, it would have been me that was turned into salt knowing my curiosity...

so im looking at this story about Samson and Delilah right, and even though iv hear/ read it before, im learning a few lessons and seeing things i never really took note of previously... like errrmmm how it starts off saying Samson went and saw a prostitute he wanted to spend the night with. ok now i know that not everything that happened could have been recorded, but im sure he didnt get away with that one seeing how militant God was... also the story states that Delilah nagged him till he was tired to death - serious persistance broke him down. in my mind i think after the first three attempts, he should have known that she would test whatever he told her so uhhh telling her the truth was stooopid Samson.... anyway i could go on, but my eyes are closing - its 4:09am and i should be sleeping, so im cuttin this blog short. here's my bible bedtime-story:



lol. the actual story is in Judges 16
Elle
xx

First Love

last night i cudnt sleep. i literally lay in the dark just thinking about everything under the sun (moon), refusing to turn off the light, determined to force myself to sleep in the next minute - my stubborness didnt pay off, 5 hours later i was still tossing and turning... i finally drifted off only to hear my alarm ring. grrr.... so here i am laying in bed with my hot-water bottle and laptop, this time determined not to switch of the light till that moment of inability to resist the force of gravity on my eyelids.

and so i blog...

the other day on the way to church, was talking to my bestest, who randomly asked me a question that brought up a memory, but being reminded of it somehow made my heart start beating a few extra beats per minute and sweatbeads started to form. i automatically did the whole nervous laughter, trying to cover up my state of discomfort. it didnt work, she knows me too well, i ended up telling her... *skip to less than an hour ago* ... i wish i could say i was doing something productive, or even reading something interesting, but truth be told i just finished watching an episode of ugly betty, and was about to check my facebook and twitter. when i hear:

"Return to that place of vulnerability"

i know when God speaks to me because its like Ka-Pow!! Bang!! Spiritual Slap!! its tear-jerking to the point that i have to do the whole swallow thing, and straight to the heart like ouch! and its amazing that such clear and concise statements make so much sense - too much for me to have conjured up on my own... i didnt even need to ask for an explanation. funnily enough i would usually write the following in my journal first before editing it and exposing it to whoever might come across this blog, but regarding the nature of His comment, here's to being open...

Return. iv been a bit lost for a while. i dont even know when or how it happened. not to even say i turned away from God or even backslid as is common terminology, but somewhere along the line since i left uni, the journey took a detour (no judgement fingers please!). i had stopped on this plateau on the mountain for more than a minute, as much as i knew i needed to start climbing again, press in and all that, something was stopping me. Kirk Franklins song 'First Love' has echoed in my ears for weeks now; time i did something not just sang along. not only to i want to return, i need to return.
that place. being a combination of the position i stood in which i had a deeper passion for God and the things of God, held my experiences with him dearer to my heart, walked closer with my saviour, knew who i am in him and how privilaged i am to have him in me. that place of confidence, peace, love, security and much more.
vulnerability. be willing to share my experiences, celebrations, joys, failures, shortcomings, and things i may not even be proud of. i began this blog with full intention to do so, but havent entirely. i do need to let my guard down, and not be cagey (as i was told i was - thanks alot, you kno who you are). i should remove the mentality that says being vulnerable is a sign of weakness. the wall i had built up not only prevents others from getting in, but also stops me from reaching others.

i thank God for His grace and mercy.
im back!!

"For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires” - Hebrews 4:12