what's next?

standing at a crossroad and i dont kno which way to go. half of me is saying just step out because being afraid of making a mistake may mean that i miss out on God's voice of direction all together...the other half of me is waiting for confirmation and in the meantime just screaming... im getting lost without something to do and nothing to focus on. iv spent so much money since i got to london. of course iv enjoyed my shopping sprees but this free life as a bum is begining to make me feel useless. i seriously need direction - and anytime soon would be great Lord!! today alone iv seriously gone from one extreme to the next. my mind is being bombarded with ideas which all sound so exciting, but i dont know which to choose. its like the map of my future is being held up to my face but its coded and im not seeing the "you are here" sign and where i end up is a mystery in itself. Jesus help me.

but in the middle of my discombobulated mind-frame, deep down im feeling this undescribable emotion that is slowly bubbling. id like to say its peace that comes from knowing that no matter what i decide or even happens, God is still in control. its moving me in a direction of rest which totally goes against my minds automatic response of an urgent panic... last night i was talkin to a friend of mine. i randomly said "inspire me". the response i got was to think about the things God has done for me in the last week alone that without Him i never would have got done or otherwise wouldnt have happened... boi i wouldnt be able to finish that list. i'll give one example - in the last four days alone i have come so close to being in an accident at least five times. now i know that on two of those occasions it probably was my fault, but my testimony is that His hand of protection is so evident on my life... so what im realising is, if God cares enough to keep me alive, there must be something He still wants me to do, and until i get the confirmation of what exactly that is... i need to just chillax, take a deep breath, take note of all these things, pray over them and wait for further instruction.

trying not to rush God
xx

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" - ecclesiastes 3:1