is prayer my lifestyle

wow iv been a free woman for all of three days now - its so lovely not to be woken up by an alarm, or have to plan wat to do the next day. im literally just doin whatever comes up. i feel kind of lost though and as much as im loving this new-found liberty, in the back of my mind im thinking its goin to end soon, i cant stay unemployed and av fun wid my friends forever. sad... if only i had a trust fund boi....the only downside freedom has also taken away some of my discipline. like my prayer time has shifted to a whenever i wake up... ive been goin to bed at stupid o'clock so its not reasonable or likely that i wake up as early as i was before. now i can easily play the God-knows-my-heart card, which He does and i dont feel condemned, but im not really sure i like it myself.

in the past, my prayers flowed quicker when i needed God to do somethin. it was definately a misconception about what prayer is. it was more of an exercise or an automatic outburst when i realised without God nothing good was going to happen. but over the last few months i feel like iv moved a step or two forward spiritually and i cant let go of that - i dont want to go in and out of the cycle again, i want this change to stay. i think im slowly understanding what prayer is. as cheesy as it sounds - prayer needs to be the breath in my lungs, and the blood from my heart. blood flows ceaselessly, and breathing continues ceaselessly; im not conscious of it, but its always goin on. Im not conscious of Jesus keeping me in perfect connection with God, but if im obeying Him, He always is (Romans 8:34)

Prayer without stopping is something i'd love to train myself to do. i wana be like that child who clings to their mum and doesnt want anyone else to hold them, and if something happens they always run back to her or wait for her approval. will come with practice, i can only try... a verse that springs to mind is John 5:19-20. i want the go-ahead from God, that closeness that i dont feel i can do anything unless he says do it. obviously i wont take this to an extreme, there are somethings that are just common sense, not exaclyt gona wait for God to tell me what outfit to wear in the morning - but i want to develop that childlike habit of continuously running to my Father.

right now im in transition it feels. im asking God what the next steps are. what the future holds. as always he's just giving it to me in bits - as much as i want to kno everythin thats gona happen, id probably give up if i knew all that his plan entailed. so while i wait for the next thing to happen, i jus av to keep standing firm on what i already know. oh yer another thing that dawned on me is that Jesus never mentioned unanswered prayer. He had the boundless certainty that prayer is always answered. sometimes i think that if i dont see an answer within the time-frame ive given God, he hasnt answered my prayer, but that is so far from the truth. there is no "if" or "but" after the verse 'everyone that asks, recieves' - luke 11:10. so im jus gona chill till i get my answer

reevaluating my prayerlife
xx

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful" - Colossians 4:2