im in a leave-me-alone-mood

We have this saying in Swahili that goes: "Hodi hodi naikome mwaka ujao naolewa" basic translation: "Knock, knock, should stop, as I'm getting married next year"... Im actually tired of ppl tryin it now. first it was flattering, then it was distracting, then it was like ermm coincidence one too many people coming out of the woodworks, then it was challenging. now its like look i have a straight face, i dont want to give you my number, i dont want to get to know you, i dont want you in my life....ok i feel bad for saying, n im not heartless enough to say that to anyones face but you know when some ppl just dont get it? dang... In swahili the saying is like the lady doesn't want any more (male) visitors who drop by her house trying to win her as she has already been engaged and she is actually getting married very soon. she's concerned that persistent 'knock, knock' on her door by the visitors would spoil her chance of getting married... ok so im not expecting to get married at the end of this years challenge, but I am desperately tryin my best here to maintain the bride of Christ mentality but these so called visitors are not helping me out in the slightest.

In the last 24hours my brain has orbittted around the world. This time not about my pending decision, but about relationships. Iv gone from one extreme (of thinking this challenge was not such a easy idea n maybe i should shorten it) to another (of i want to become a nun)... Tonight the rollercoaster came to a screeching hault and im concluding im done. completely and utterly. i just dont want to know. i dont want to partially entertain any kind of behaviour that may jus hint at hindering rather than helping me on this journey. im goin on militant coz i cant bear to have my heart shredded again because of accidentally puttin it in the wrong hands. God is always gracious enough to put me back together better than i was before, but i honestly dont feel i can handle going through that process. I cant believe whats happened today, not that i necessarily did anything, but my eyes have been opened to something that was right in front of me all along and it feels like a huge slap in the face...ughh i dont feel like talkin bout it anymore, was trying my blog-therapy but its winding me up, jus finking bout it. wound is too fresh i think, maybe another day... bottom line is im done. i dont want anyone beggin fake relationships with me. i dont want anyone to waste my time. i dont want anyone messing about with my life and heart. Im trying to live according to the will of my Father and some people just need to get out of the way!!

Aaarrrgghhhhhhhhhh!!!


"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? " - 2 Corinthians 6:14-17