memories part 2

everyone has been hurt in one way or another, i know this. but how we get over things in life will always baffle me. i tend to deal with things in stages. i cover over certain feelings, in a way ignore them because addressing them is sometimes just as painful as going through the situation all over again. the problem is somethings cant remain hidden for very long, they resurface or reappear in different forms. i wish that things would just go away, that there was a undo on life, a trash can for all the files i wanted to disappear. but there isnt.

yesterday i woke up crying. it was not cool. its never happened before and i seriously wouldnt like it to occur again. i was overwhelmed by thoughts, memories, fears, you name it - it circled my brain. im about to enter a new season on my journey. i'll be moving soon for work. having a fresh start and as great as it sounds the idea freaks me out. but why? what am i so afraid of? my problem is im too focused on what i have experienced before and scared that history may repeat itself. i feel like im partially being held back by the things i pushed under the rug. my concepts of acceptance, self-esteem, confidence in my own abilities and a few other things have been bumped, bruised and scarred. unbelief looks at the past and assumes i cant do what im setting out to do; while faith looks at the future and rests in God, in whom all things are possible. but where do i stand? right on the boundary between the two. im honestly not yet in full faith about this. so how will i get to that place of faith? i dont know. for now my best option is changing my focus. i know that im walking in the right direction He has planned for me, there is no need to fear, his blueprint is perfect and will come to pass. so I just have to keep going . address the emotions, and leave the pain at the altar. there is a way out. i am a conqueror so i need to stop living as a wounded soldier.

time to replace the thoughts about my past with the promises of my future

"but one thing i do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those which are ahead" - Philippians 3:13